What is it about birthdays that makes you reflect? To be honest- this year I need a do-over! There are some areas in my life that aren't quite what I would have imagined. Am I grateful? Yes! Absolutely grateful for what God has done... I didn't see any of this...so I'm amazed in a lot of other ways too. But if I could have my way I would take a audit of some things. So here's what I'd say to my 41 year old self.
Rest is your best option.
Worship through it all.
Don't be so hard on yourself- some of this is "MY TIMING"
This year has me a little choked up. I thought I'd be further along- but God said BreakAWAY. I didn't understand, so he said BreakAWAY. I didn't know how to do alot of what needed to be done, so he invited me to BreakAWAY. Every time I begin to feel anxiety or overwhelm, he bids me to come, BreakAWAY. I think what he is really saying is that I am all that you need if you would only step away from the issues and find me. "In my presence there is fullness of joy, Alexis, Come Here!" Just like a parent- I could feel him pulling me to lean in to the moment. Don't become content with having your body in one place and your mind and spirit in another. Be present.
So as we broke away I committed myself to be present. Fully there, in nature, in the moments of stretch, in the fresh air, in the tension of parenting, in the loving embrace of my husband. Sleep when you are sleeping (not thinking while you're sleeping). REST. "Be Still and Know I am God, and I am here." As the trip ended I felt myself being nudged back into the swing of normal life demands and was able to breathe a little bit better. As we drove away I remembered this word:
4Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. 9As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.
Sooner than later all of us find ourselves in a situation where we are feeling burdened, tired, or weighed down by the concerns of life. Sometimes you may be able to BreakAWAY and other times not. In those moments my kitchen and my office are my places of peace. I love to worship in my kitchen. It just sounds better. I sing when I'm happy or sad. I sing loud and I imagine God is listening. I don't care if my neighbors hear me. I do it because He needs to hear from me. He needs to know my heart without a filter. In my office is my prayer space- the place that I regularly get into God's presence. It represents my secret place. Sometimes I write, sometimes I pray on bended knee, sometime I lay out on the floor- it all depends on my heart and what I feel the Holy Spirit is leading me to do in the moment. Here I am totally surrendered.
The world, however, gets different when you walk out of spaces like these. I find myself having to take a "backpack" secret place with me as I go throughout my day, so that my heart never leaves His presence, or the tent of meetings. I function, work, live, and love on people pouring because I stay connected to my source of peace and constant rest.
1 Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers,2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers. 4 Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away. 5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. 6 For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.
Today I encourage you not be tempted to rush into what God has next, be present, be connected, and be patient. He's with you and Its all in His timing.