Last night just before mid-night- I recorded a short video with my reflections on turning 40. As I thought about all the things, the right decisions and wrong turns I've made in my life--- I really felt overwhelmed with gratitude to God for his love and affection toward me. Even in the hardest of times. Seasons that felt like they would never end. God remained faithful to me in his favor toward me in the midst of my condition.
I know condition sounds loaded and a bit scary--- unforgiveness is the heart posture and condition that I'm speaking of. In the past it was a vacation location. Whenever something didn't go the way that I planned it, or something hurt my feelings, I'd vacate the premises and got to the island of categories and boxes. I'd carefully store you away, in the attic of my mind or heart depending on how close you were to me.
It was comfortable back then, or so I thought. Maybe it was just functional. The truth is, even functional gets tired after a while. I needed more, I wanted to free my mind from the unwanted clutter in the attic. I wanted to find beauty in relationships again. To like people, to trust people, maybe one day, even to love with my whole, unprotected, heart. This was CRAZY talk...you'll get yourself hurt again I thought. Then God spoke---"Trust me- I created you and them---I see it all and manage it well."
This and only this...might just be worth a try- FORGIVENESS. So I did it---I said "Yes" and for the last six years I've continued to say yes. All the way until today- I said yes again "To your will and to your way, I say yes Lord yes, I will trust you and obey. When your spirit speaks to me, with my whole heart I'll agree and my answer will be yes Lord yes!" Let's go all the way--- to see what the end will be. No regrets, all bets on GOD.
To 40 more!