It's been two months since I last sat down to write. But all good reasons why....since October of last year I've been carrying something amazing, alive, and so real. The gift of Forgiveness gift wrapped in a step by step masterclass for the world to partake of. Finally on April 11 the beta group started with four willing participants, four mentors, and our group marriage and family therapist. For six weeks, Monday through Friday, from 5 to 6 am, we dived into concepts, stages, and steps of forgiveness. We looked at what God had to say in his word, what doctors and professionals had to say about forgiveness, but most important we listened and waited for Holy Spirit to give us direction for what we should do in our individual walks.
We prayed everyday and fasted once a week, holding each other accountable and we were challenged to put their knowledge to the test. The participants were asked to trust the process and surrender their will to God's in order to see something miraculous, and boy did God blow our minds. The deliverance and breakthrough that happened, the freedom that was experienced, and the ripple effect on the families of those who were in close proximity to the participants experience.
In six short weeks we saw hearts healed, minds renewed, and speech transformed. As the leader I have experienced all of these stages and continue to feel the small discomforts of the moment by moment character modifications God is allowing me to experience in order to steward this season well. I recognize that the hiccups are because I am breathing by faith. Taking each step by faith. Growing and trusting God by faith. In the same way an expectant mother does. She knows that internally there is something there. It's growing quietly in an undetectable size and state. She can feel the changes as this thing attaches itself to her and is undeniable. She commits to seeing it through with her "yes". Everyday yes, to the vitamins, "yes", to the food urges, "yes", to the frequent bathroom runs, "yes".
Over time the evidence of growth starts to show. You begin to sprout fruit. This is an exciting season because people begin to take notice of the thing you were holding all along and alone. In this season you start to look at things differently and determine whether that environment is safe or detrimental to the thing you're carrying. You pray for strength, you pray for wisdom, and you prepare. Buying things, moving things around and making room for the new thing that's coming. It's called nesting.
As your belly continues to expand, so do the ideas and creativity. The thoughts about what to do and when, how to get it all done; often times you find yourself restless at night, tossing and turning attempting to find a comfortable position for you and thing you're carrying but nothing seems to work--- so you get up and move until you find calm again. But it's not long until you feel the poking, prodding, thumps, and kicks again. You take the hits because its all preparation.
Soon the day comes where you must expose yourself to get assistance in birthing this thing--- it's time to PUSH, while you feel the pressure, the fatigue, the worry if everything is ready----READY or NOT it's time. Your heart, mind, and spirit all know it's
time. So naturally you lean into the urge to PUSH, because you've carried, bonded, prepared, nurtured, and protected this thing--- you want to see it, you want to meet it. You have great expectations and hopes for what it will do. For nine plus months you carried by faith for this moment.
"Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert."