It's been a while, but for good reason. I had to go "underground" to work through some things that God has been telling me to do. As many of you know, life can be a never ending laundry list of things to do, places to go, people to see, and problems to solve. Being a wife and mom is a tremendous responsibility, especially if coupled with serving in full-time ministry. The duties and pressures can sometimes be all consuming.
Funny enough, during this week of Christmas break I found myself talking to my kids and at times being slightly impatience with them. At one point I caught saying "If you would only do what I told you to do, when I told you to do it, your life would be so much easier". Before I could get the words out of my mouth, I realized the irony of my statement, and that more than likely God has been saying the same thing to me about things on my agenda that I've needed complete for a while now.
Leading up to this time away, I had been creating lists of things that needed to be either started or completed. The one thing that I didn't fully take into consideration is that I would have to also manage the children at the same time. I guess in some way I did know- because I planned to do goal setting with them for the new year, family planning and goal setting, as well as tighten and put some new systems into place. Before long, I felt irritable with knowing that there were other things, more important things, that I should be doing at the same time. I though that my frustration was caused by the fact that felt divided in my desire to spend time with the kids and knowing I had other things to do. However as I did a more careful search I found that my real frustration was that during my time of rest, I now have to work because I didn't complete what was given to me, when it was given to me. What I was really experiencing was an adult temper tantrum---that moment when my "want to" doesn't want to.
We wonder why there seems to be a delay in the promises of God in our lives, when we've been given vision and assignments. He is not just giving us the assignments to brag on the fact that He entrusted them to us, but He actually expects us to accomplish them in excellence. Sometimes I would like to sleep late, but every morning about 4 or 5 am my spirit starts stirring me with the God assignments that need to be worked on in the silence and solitude of the "dark" morning. Before my husband says 'good morning', before the kids ask for breakfast, before I have my coffee. God wants me. In consistent, continual, intimate relationship with Him. He wants my first, my obedience, my willingness to sacrifice sleep to do what He's called me to do.